Peace
by Rilja
Summary: Xander’s thoughts on his life. Companion piece/sequel to War


TITLE: Peace  
  
SERIES: Companion piece/sequel to War  
  
AUTHOR: Rilja (golf_clap@yahoo.com) RATING: PG-13 DISTRIBUTION: Archives are ok, just tell me were it went. Others please ask first. DISCLAIMER: Xander belongs to Joss Whedon. .and that just sounds so wrong. FEEDBACK: Yes! Please tell me if I did good. SPOILERS: BtVS season 6 finale. SUMMARY: Xander's thoughts on his life. NOTE: AU after season 6 finale. Spike has not returned, Anya has left, and Willow is in England with Giles. NOTE 2: Thank you for all the wonderful feedback I got for War.  
  
There's nothing like a good orgasm and a smoke to centre yourself. An orgasm a day keeps the padded room away, or so he's heard. He feels calm and alive, like he could save the whole world, and he has. The only thing that's missing is someone to share it with, both the orgasm and the world.  
  
There hasn't been anyone for some time now. Not since the disastrous wedding and Anya disappearing of to... wherever vengeance demons disappears to. He's wondering if she's happy, if she's even thinking of him. But why would she. He stood her up. At the altar. That's not something you forgive. That's something you fuck the friendly neighbourhood vampire and get back the job eviscerating men who stands women up at the altar for, but not something you forgive.  
  
He takes one last draught and flips the butt out the open window. He knows it's a bad habit, one he's glad that Willow made him quit, but that seems so long ago right now. In another life before he knew what, and who, went bump in the night, another world even. In this world and this life you take comfort wherever you can find it, and if that's in a long dead, cancer inducing habit, than so be it.  
  
Willow. He hopes she's all right. She was pretty messed up after Tara, and the whole destroying the world ordeal. And Tara. /God, she didn't deserve any of this./ She was truly the innocent caught in the crossfire. He's wondering how Willow's holding up. Hoping that Giles can help her. Help her to control her power, her dark side, and also help her overcome her guilt and deathwish after almost ending the world, over taking a human's life. Not that he wasn't asking for it, not that he was all innocent, but still. a human.  
  
He closes his eyes and lets the last rays of the setting sun warm his face. When it is all gone he closes the window and turns, looking over their. his apartment. Every piece of furniture, every knick-knack and decoration all carefully selected by Anya. The apartment feels too big, too empty. It isn't really his apartment, it was theirs and without Anya it doesn't feel like home. Not anymore.  
  
How come everybody he knows is always leaving. He doesn't mean him especially, but the town, Sunnydale. First Angel then Oz and Riley, even Giles left, and he hasn't seen Spike around either, not since before Tara. And now Anya and Willow are gone to. Come to think of it he's the only guy that ever stayed.  
  
/I wonder why that is? I know it's not family,/ he wouldn't wish his parents on anyone, and it's not his job, even if he did get a promotion. /So, what's holding me here? I know it's not the great ambience or the low death rates./ He guess it is family after all. Willow, Buffy and Dawn, his real family. It's just that right now he doesn't know if Willow's ever coming back. He wouldn't want to live where there's so many bad memories. He wouldn't, but isn't that exactly what he's doing. Maybe it's time for him to leave too. Travel a bit, /I never did finish that roadtrip,/ and then find a place to call home, away from all bad memories, away from demons and Hellmouths.  
  
He turns out the lights and walks into the bedroom. /Yeah, that's what I'll do. Leave this place that isn't home anymore and find a new one./  
  
Once the decision's been made he feels a comforting peace and calmness settle over his mind, and he knows he's made the right decision. He falls asleep almost instantly. After all, if he doesn't finds a new place to call home he could always come back.  
  
So, what did you think? Tell me at golf_clap@yahoo.com. 


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